This is a vital landmark on the road to understanding yourself. It's not the voyage, its our destination, and I will accept no returns once the cheque has been cashed. Life does not issue a charge-back, but it might bring the smack down. There is more to learn of the art of reality cracking.
There are so many things that you are, but static is not one of them. You think you know yourself, but then wild behavior throws your theories of yourself into the wastebasket, to be quickly mulched by the mulching machinations of the metal man.
I had money once, vast sums of it and I thought myself generous and kind, and I knew that it was not because of the money. It was my nature, and it is yours, we are indeed two peas in a pod, two wonderful spirits entwined in goodness and greatness. Not so, I was to learn without further ado, but with further pain, most definitely dearest darling.
To think yourself kind is a kindly thing, for it warms your heart to know yourself so thoroughly. In effect you do not, you are hereby kow-towing to your own whims, and yet do not recognize it as such. I pity you not, for it was no choice of yours, you are in essence the product, my product.
When you lose that money, when things change, you will soon experience a rude-awakening. Like jake the snake says.
You find yourself mean. You don't give a tip if you can help it, and if you cant you grudge the waitress for having to give it. You find yourself judging restaurants by their prices, and then secondly their quality. When presented with a menu, your eyes automatically find the cheapest plate with the most amount of food on it, so you can take some home as well. You try not to go to restaurants, and you stop showering to save money. Or maybe you just dont like showering all that much, and this is as good an excuse as any.
You dont give money to the poor anymore, for you have joined their ranks. You envy the rich and powerful, and you feel a deep-seated need to see them burn. Trouble is, you recognize that they have not earned their seats on high from which they rule you, but have most often fallen into that role which life has assigned them. You stop hating them one day, and instead think of their annihilation with no emotion, but as a necessary thing. Welcome.
You thought capitalism was cool. You knew that those who are poor are usually shiftless and deserve their due. No matter now, for the truth has hit you over the head, and as a brick, but now the lowest one in contact with the mud beneath.
The thin veneer has blown away, and the crass morass of humanity is seen with a clarity that astounds you. You could become a writer, if it wasn't for the fact that you would not be published, for you have no address.
And with no address you are indeed lost to the garbage collector, and a human leak on the memory banks of society, they forget you.
Raw humanity confronts you, and it isnt a pretty sight. But you know what? If you ever get out of this you will lose your illusions.
Tradeoffs.